Opinions and Respect

Before I get to the reason for this blog let me say the following: Memorial Day is a day to remember our fallen soldier's and a day to say thank you to them all, their families, and all of the servicemen and women who survived their service and those who are still serving their country. Our country. These brave men and women do this to keep our nation free. We all owe each and every man and woman who has ever served this country a debt of gratitude that we will never be able to fully repay. One way we can repay them in a small way is to not take for granted the freedom their sacrifice has afforded us. And make no mistake, every man and woman who serves this country makes a sacrifice. No, it is not always the ultimate sacrifice, Thank God, but they all make many sacrifice's. A man who's wife gives birth to their child while he is serving this country far away from home has made a sacrifice. A woman comes back with PTSD has made a sacrifice. Their are many types of sacrifice's and again we owe these people, these American's, far more than we will ever be able to repay fully.

This blog post was brought about by a Facebook discussion with a friend regarding people not being able to respect the other side in a discussion. During this discussion I thought about how it is Memorial Day and what the day is for. And the freedom that these men and women are fighting for. There are many ways that we are free. One of those ways is the freedom to have opinions on any number of subjects from religion to politics to sexual orientation and so much more. Yes, when it comes to freedom, this may be not be as significant as the freedom to say vote for who our public officials are, but it is still an important freedom.

So why do we continually try to cut people down because their opinion may not be our opinion? If someone does not agree with us so many people will respond with name calling or otherwise cutting that person down. Why is is that we tend to think that our opnions are the only ones that matter and any other opinion is wrong? So many people don't even want to hear an opposing opinion. Why is that? We see it all the time from important issues like politics to non-important issues such as what vampire series is better, Twight, True Blood or Vampire Diaries?

The main problem I see with this is the total lack of respect that is shown for "the other side". Liberals think nothing that conservatives do is right. Conservatives think nothing liberals do is right. So instead of discussing the issues, both sides name call on a regular basis. To quote Bella in Twilight (ok so I know she was not the originator of this saying) I'm Switzerland. No, I don't mean I'm not taking sides between the vamps and the wolves. I mean I am a moderate. There are parts of both sides I agree with. Which parts? That's not important here. I'm not discussing my political views, at least not this blog post.

Another area that neither side needs to be able to sit down and discuss their sides is religion. People who believe insult people who don't believe. Athiests insult those who do believe. Again, I'm Switzerland. I'll leave that for you all to figure out. It is pretty easy actually. The worst part in any of these disputes, be it politics, religion or vampires, is both sides always complain about how the other side doesn't listen or how all the other side does is insult them while they themselves do the same exact thing.

We have the freedom in this country to have any opinion we want to have and should be able to do so without being treated disrespectfully by the "other side". When will we realize that insults and disrespect get us nowhere. It solves no problems. Listening to what the other side says does not mean that you have to change your own opinion. It is simply showing them the respect that you yourself want. In order to get respect we have to give respect. So next time instead of demeaning someone because they have a different opinion than you do, sit down and say "let's discuss this. You tell me how you feel and why and I'll tell you how I feel and why." I am going to end this on something my mother always said: Opinions are like assholes, we all have one.

Now go on out there whether it be in "the real world" or on a social network and have an actual debate with someone who feels differently than you do on a subject. And if they want to resort to name calling then move onto another person. Don't feed into it, simply move on.

Have a great day everyone!

Janet Lee Smith
05/30/2011

SUBSTANCE ABUSE: DOES WHO YOU ARE MATTER?

SUBSTANCE ABUSE: DOES WHO YOU ARE MATTER?

            When you hear about a beloved celebrity who died from an overdose or some other complication of an addiction what do you think of? If you are like a lot of people, you think about how sad it is how much potential they had, things like that. Now think about how you feel if you read the paper and there is a small article on page 10 about some anonymous person dying from an overdose. What do you think then? If you are like a lot of people you think oh well, they knew what they were getting into. They should not have been living their life that way. Some people even go as far as to say they got what they deserve. I hope that I am not the only person who sees something wrong with this way of thinking. I hope that the majority of people do not base the actions of a person or whether a person’s death is their own fault on whom the person is.

            An addict is an addict is an addict, no matter what their social status, ethnicity, race, sexual orientation, job (or lack there-of), etc. is. As a society, when we look at some people with substance abuse issues, we simply think that they are “behaving badly” like we do with celebrities that we love, we are hurting that person. Everyone needs to be held accountable for their actions. Looking at a rock star who parties hard as “that is what rock stars do” or looking at a child star (or former child star) who gets high or drinks too much as “they just had too much too soon” is saying that these people are not responsible for their addictions. In fact we are almost saying that it is to be expected. However, if most people see someone on the street who is clearly drunk or high, just some random person who we don’t know, most people think that person is below them. Many people think thoughts like “what a loser”.

            Why does it matter who we are? I am a recovering addict. By the grace of my higher power, I have not gotten high in just about 9 and ½ years. Since I have a history of addiction and a history in 12 step programs, I have a lot of friends who have histories with addiction. Not one of us is a loser and there is not a celebrity addict or alcoholic who is better than us. Whether you believe in the disease concept of addiction or you believe it is hereditary, or you simply believe that people choose to abuse some type of substance, it does not change the fact that when it comes to their addiction, all addicts are the same. Whether it is Michael Jackson or a homeless person who is doing whatever they can to get high every night, they are both addicts. There are differences of course in the way they get their drugs or use those drugs. Such as MJ had a doctor and/or nurse administering his drugs and the homeless person is going to buy his drugs from a street “pharmacist”. Those things don’t change the basic fact that they were both using a substance to change their personalities or to change their mood or to make themselves feel better in some way. Addicts oftentimes have a lot of pain that they are in. A lot of times it is psychological pain. They don’t know how to deal with that pain, so they alter themselves with a drug or with alcohol.

            What prompted me to write this blog post is something a friend said about the death of Jeff Conway. A lot of people have been posting how sad they are at Mr. Conway’s death. But my friend saw a lot of posts about how he got what he deserved and other such comments. This shows me that being a celebrity does not matter. You have to be a certain type of celebrity in order for your addiction or death being related in some way to an addiction to be thought of as a horrible turn of events. I guess you have to be an A-list celebrity in order for it not to be your fault, for a person to be held accountable for their actions. So I once again want to point out that an addict is an addict is an addict. I hope that we someday get to a point in our collective way of thinking where we think that any death is sad. All deaths should be mourned. That someday we get to a point where we don’t put some people up on a pedestal and forgive everything they do, no matter what it is, while at the same time condemning other people for doing the very same thing. A point where we realize that we are all equal and no one is better than anyone else because they are famous or because they have a lot of money or for any other external factor.

Janet Lee Smith
05/30/2011

Baby, You Were Born This Way, So Live Your Life On YOUR Terms!

Baby, You Were Born This Way, So Live Your Life On YOUR Terms!

Which came first the chicken or the egg? Nature or nurture? Born gay or made a choice to be gay? Some great questions. There are very different answers to these questions, depending on who you speak to and what their own personal philosophies are. A person’s own personal experiences and morals also help them form their own opinion on these subjects. Of course the first question is kind of a silly question, one that doesn’t affect anyone’s life too much. The other two questions have been debated by many, many people over the years. My opinion on nature vs. nurture is that they both shape how our brains, our morals, our very lives are developed. In other words I don’t think either one is right or either one is wrong. Since I am a lesbian, the third question is one I have a very strong opinion on. There is very little doubt in my mind that a person is either born gay or straight.

One of the reasons I feel so strongly about that is as simple as one statement. Who would make the choice to be ostracized? Sometimes not only by people they don’t know but also by the very people who they’ve loved their whole lives, their families. If the possibility exists that your parents or your siblings may put you out of their lives, never want to see you or speak to you again, because of something you have the choice to be, would people really make that choice? If you knew that the possibility existed that you could lose a job, get violently attacked or be discriminated against in any number of ways, would a person really make the decision to live their life like that, if it was their choice? Let me say that I love my life. I would not change it at all. But all those years ago would I have made the decision to make my life more difficult just because of who I loved? I remember losing my first job because I was a lesbian. They never said that of course, even way back then they were smart enough not to say that. But I remember going from a model employee one who received excellent employee reviews, to getting a very bad review. My work never changed. I was not only there every shift but also when I got called in on my day off. The only thing that changed was they found out I was a lesbian. Someone did let me know what had truly happened. I was 17 years old and fired because of something that was as much me as my height, weight or hair color.

The second reason I feel so strongly about sexuality not being a choice is my own experiences. I remember being 16 and a friend of the family being at my house while my mom was out. She was an older lesbian, not old, but at 24 she was older than me. I remember there had been a few weeks when I had been getting these vibes from her that I did not understand. I was a very naïve 16 year old. Now back to my house when my mom was out. I remember her asking me if she could give me a back rub and I said yes. I wasn’t that naïve that I didn’t have a clue at that point, but I was very interested. Up until that point, I had never even thought at least on a conscious level, of being with a woman. In fact, I was about as boy crazy as they came. It wasn’t long though before I was remembering different things from when I was younger. The HUGE crush I had on my health teacher in junior high (Ms. Clarkson, she was HOT!) or the crush I had on a friend who lived down the street from my older brother when I was 14 or 15 (she had a GREAT ass.). It was after awhile of thinking about these things that I realized I had always been a lesbian; I just had not consciously accepted it. In fact I did the opposite. I did everything I could to prove to everyone, including me, that I was straight. Hence the being boy crazy as hell.

So if I was a lesbian all along and did not realize it, would I have ever realized it if my first love did not show her interest in me? If we are gay but in denial about, it are we still gay? The second question is the easiest one to answer for me. Just because we are in denial about something, it still is what it is. If a drug addict is in denial about their addiction are they still an addict? Of course they are. I am not comparing being gay to being a drug addict. I am comparing the denial of both in order to show that denial does not change what is. Denial is a funny thing, our minds can easily trick us into not believing something about ourselves. That doesn’t mean it isn’t so. The first question is a lot hard to answer, because how can we know how our lives would have ended up if another path had been taken or if something had not happened in our lives? I like to think that I would have realized that I’m a lesbian. In fact, I am pretty sure I would have. What I do know is no matter how my life may have been negatively affected by being a lesbian, I would not want my life any other way. Could I live happily with a man? Yes, I can. There were times when I was happy with my ex-husband. But would I have been as happy living a life that was not what I truly wanted as I have been living as an out and proud lesbian? I don’t think so.

If you are gay, no matter what you feel the answer to this question is, live your life the way you want to live it. Don’t do what I did and get married (even after I had been in a relationship with a woman) to a member of the opposite sex just because you think that is what your family would want. You have to put yourself first. You have to live your life the way you want to live it. Making other people happy may not make YOU happy. Or at least not as happy as you could be if you live your life the way you want to. Just concentrate on living your life in an authentic, honest way. Remember, be true to yourself and also remember if you are not happy, you’re not going to make anyone else happy either.

If you have a loved one who is gay, just accept them as they are. I’m not saying you have to approve of something that you may not agree with, I am simply saying accept the person you love. They don’t all of a sudden become a different person just because you find out they prefer the same sex to the opposite sex. They are still your child, your grand-child, your sibling, your friend, whatever the relationship may be. Nothing changes about a person when you find out they are gay. In fact their being gay would not be something that would affect you at all. So please don’t let if affect your relationship.

Janet Lee Smith

06/07/2011