As of now marriage equality is not legal at the federal level. Which should mean that nothing to do with my marriage should have anything to do with the federal government. It should mean that. However, what I learned today is when it will benefit the federal government, they will recognize all marriages.
Let me give a little bit of background then I will explain how I realized that our federal government is very hypocritical when it comes to marriage equality. My wife and I were married in Massachusetts five years ago in August. A few days after the wedding we went to the Social Security office so that I could get a change my name with them and get a new social security card. At the same time we let them know that we were married because my wife is on SSI and SSDI. We have always been honest with them from the day we moved in together, we don't play games like lying to government agencies. On that day, we were told it didn't matter because the marriage was not recognized on the federal level. As long as they knew Shanna was living with someone and knew what she paid in expenses that was all they needed to know. OK, we did our job and gave them the information and were told it wasn't something they needed to know. Situation dealt with.
Or so we thought. Today, almost five years later, my wife went to the social security office to change her address and was told that she should have been reporting my income to them. I was immediately outraged when Shanna told me this. Then I calmed down a bit and thought I would give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they now want to know a roommate's income too. So I called the Social Security 1-800 number and I said to them "If I collect SSI and SSDI and have a roommate, I know that you know I have a roommate and what my expenses are, but do you also have to know what their income is?" She replied "Oh no, of course not." I said to her "Then why when my wife went there this am was she told that she needed to give my income (just a side note, she refused on the basis that they do not recognize gay marriages) when according to the federal government we are not married, we are just roommates?" She responded with some gibberish about if we are in a state where it is a common law marriage (they truly need to higher smarter people, it is not a common law marriage in my state, it is a real marriage) then they have to know the income. I replied by saying "You cannot have it both ways. You cannot recognize my marriage when it is to your benefit but the rest of the time not recognize me marriage." I was very calm and tried to have a civil conversation with this representative when instead of being polite and saying she has no answers to my problem or something like that, she simply hung up on me. Yes, a woman who is being paid by my taxes hung up on me. I really wish I had asked her name.
My problem here is the hypocrisy of the federal government in this matter. How can they recognize gay marriage when it is a benefit to them but the rest of the time they will not recognize it? It's bad enough that they will not legalize marriage equality, but now they want to pick and choose when they will recognize it? They should not have this choice. It's all or nothing. Either the federal government recognizes my marriage or they don't, but they don't get to choose whether they want to recognize it or not depending on the circumstances and how it affects them. This is unacceptable. My message to the federal government is make up your mind, make a decision and stick to it across the board. You won't recognize our marriages but you will when it comes to money. I am more than willing to accept the responsibilities of marriage, all of them. And as soon as the federal government decides that they will recognize my marriage I will do so. Until then, I simply want the federal government to know that if I'm not married for most things, I'm not married at all. When we're allowed to file a married tax federal tax return and get the tax benefits we deserve as a married couple, then we will tell you what my income is for your purposes.
In conclusion I would like to say that this is not about money, it is about discrimination and the federal government deciding when discrimination is OK and when they want to capitalize on the fact that my state does not discriminate when it comes to marriage on the basis of sexual orientation. Like I said above, it's all or nothing. Either accept my marriage or don't try to accept it when it suits your purposes. The ironic thing here is if I died tomorrow Shanna could not collect my social security even though mine would be more than what she gets because the federal government does not consider us married.
Note: I fully expect to have consequences from Shanna saying that she would not give my income. If that happens, I will be calling the ACLU about filing a law suit against the federal government regarding this issue.
Janet Lee Smith ©
6/6/2012
