When we think of domestic violence victims, we often conjure up images of the victim being female, the abuser being male, and those involved being poor. Sometimes these are true scenerios. But just as often they are not. Women are not always the victims. Men are also victims of abuse. Men are not always the abusers. Whether the victim is a man or a woman, the abuser can be a woman. Domestic violence happens in the homes of gay people also. Finally, abuse happens just as often in middle or upper class households. Victims can be anyone, waitresses, students, actresses, doctors, politicians, factory workers, anyone at all. Abusers can also be all of the above, any type of person, rich, poor, professional, blue coller worker, etc.
One of the differences in these type of individuals is whether they stay in the situation or not. Take men for instance. Men oftentimes have a hard time admitting to being abused by a woman. They feel it would make them look less masculine. So they oftentimes stay in the situation and don't say anything. Women of a higher social class have a problem admitting to being abused. For a couple of reasons. First because of the stereotype of abused people. They can't possibly be abused because they are rich, or important. People like them don't have things like domestic violence in their households. Problem is, people like them do have those problems and they know it. They just won't admit it. They also don't want to lose their social standing or have to stop living the life style they are living. What people don't realize is there is something more important than male pride, social standing or lifestyle. That is their lives. Domestic violence homicide rates are very high.
I want to point out that all victims of domestic violence feel they have a lot to lose if they leave the situation. Not just people of a certain social class. Just because a woman does not have social standing or a lot of money does not mean it is easy to leave. If the man is the sole provider, a woman may wonder how she will support herself. If there are children involved, the abuser may say something likehe will never let her take the kids or he will take the kids and never come back. They may also have no where to go. One of the characteristics of an abuser is they use mental and emotional abuse to make sure victims have no one but them to turn to. They make sure their victim puts everyone else out of their lives. Even if a woman can still turn to family and friends, they may feel that is not an option. They may think they pushed their family and friends too far and they cannot turn to them. Abusers want, and usually achieve , complete control over their victims. This control helps to keep the victim under their thumb. Helps to keep them in the relationship.
As a survivor of domestic violence, I am very grateful that my family and friends were there when I needed them. My fervant hope is that everyone who knows someone whoe they suspect is in an abusive relationship keeps in touch with them. Don't let them push you away. Victims need to know that they can call on someone at any time. There are always shelters they can go to, which is a good thing. Shelters work very hard to help victims become survivors. Domestic violence is a huge problem in this country. Unfortunately, that may never change. What we need to do is have more education on this subject. And it needs to start at a young age. High school girls are finding themselves in abusive relationships at an alarming rate. We need to fight to get education into schools at least at the middle school stage. Parent's need to start talking to their children about this topic. The sad fact is that a large number of people die from this every year. We need to educate on how to prevent an abusive relationship, on the signs of an abusive relationship and how to get out of an abusive relationship. We also need to let people know that there is no good reason for not getting out of an abusive relationship.
Janet Lee Smith
1/18/11
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