I Am Full Of Contradictions

I always say life is not black and white. I am living proof of that. I have so many contradicting likes, thoughts, beliefs, opinions, etc. You cannot look at me and know much about me and I enjoy that. You look at me and see a middle aged (44) woman. But I am me. I defy stereotypes. I like classic rock and 80's music, but I also like rap and hip hop music. I am a lesbian, but I still enjoy looking at attractive men (as long as they have clothes on lol), I am a liberal who has realized that on some topics she is more moderate. I am agnostic, which means I am ambivalent toward religion yet some days I believe very much. I am a feminist but I also like to feel protected and taken care of, while all the time knowing that I am very capable of taking care of myself, should I need to. And I spent many years of my life having to do just that. I am a femme lesbian but I can swing a hammer and use a cordless screwdriver as well as any butch or man can. 

At any given moment I can be professional, responsible, adult, childish, silly, bitchy, evil, sweet, innocent and any number of other adjectives that are very different from each other. I can change my mind at the drop of a dime and do. I can be laughing one minute and crying the next. I am very loyal, but piss me off and I will have no problem putting you out of my life. I have been hurt a lot in life, and have my defenses up except with very few people. Those people are my wife, our family, and some very important friends. 

Most of the time I love myself and everything about me. Other times my stomach is too fat, my ass is too big, my legs are too fat, my lips are too thin, my forehead is too high and I hate my hair  and if your a woman who is reading this you understand all of that because more than likely you feel the same things on any given day. I am also usually a very strong woman. But sometimes I have no strength left. It is those times when I need someone else to be strong. I am very strong willed, very opinionated, very outspoken, and as much as I hate it sometimes very judgmental. Although I have worked on that a lot over the last few years. I have a lot of energy most days and can get everything I need to done. Other days I either have no energy or simply want to be lazy. 

I am me. Like most women I am a complex creature. But that also means that like most women there is no one like me. I am unique, an original, and I love to defy all everyone assumes by looking at me. Because you cannot possibly know me by looking at me. You cannot possibly know any woman by looking at them. God may have made women from man but that is because he wanted to be close enough to perfection as possible, and men did not fit that bill.  :)  Only kidding there, well, sort of! 


Hugs,
Janet